Collecting My Thoughts: Emerald City
Monday, July 19th, 2021, 8:23 PMDo you know that spot between happy and sad? These days, I find myself wandering somewhere around there. I was explaining to my family that sometimes you make good decisions and sometimes you make bad ones (wasn’t a difficult concept to explain, I know we’ve all been there). Though, I wouldn’t describe my move to Seattle as a good or bad decision. I’ve been here for about two months, and I still feel . . . indifferent. Before you start with, “Sabria! It’s only been two months! You have to give it a chance!” hear me out. I know I just got here, but you know when you just have that gut feeling about something? That’s how I feel. I absolutely love living on my own and everything that comes with it (well mostly everything) but I’m missing this feeling of home and belonging. Living away from my family and friends has been difficult, to say the least. Between work and sleep, I don’t think I fully process how alone I really am here. I guess that’s the price one pays for stubbornness and the desire to spread my wings in an uncharted state huh?
Anyway, I know I won’t always be able to live close to my friends and family and that’s something I might be able to come to terms with eventually, but I just don’t think Seattle is the place I’m going to do that. I signed a year-long lease so come May 2022; I must decide yet again what I want to do with my life. I remember when I used to get excited about my future prospects. Now, I’m just uneasy. After seeing what the job market has to offer, I’m not sure if I can compete. So, I’m not only looking for where I want to go but who I’m going to become when I get there. Will I somehow pave the way in the field of my dreams, or will I compromise? At this point, I’m quite scared to find out. I know I’m not the only one with these thoughts and because of that, the future doesn’t look so hazy.
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